The Casual Observer | Satire | wprnPublicRadio.com
Interview with SUPERMAN (Vol.1 – 1952 – 1958)
Written by Rob DeMarco
CASUAL OBSERVER: Thank you, Superman, for taking the time for this interview; I know your time is precious.
SM: Crime never takes a vacation.
CO: I’d like to clear up a few things, if you don’t mind. Your disguise as Clark Kent. All you did was put on a pair of glasses. Even your hairstyle is the same. People couldn’t tell you apart, even if you find it hard to believe.
SM: Well, it worked.
CO: Did your glasses have lenses in them? Were they prescribed?
SM: Yes. No. I don’t know.
CO: Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
CO: So if we both stood at one end of a room and I shot off a bullet at the far wall, you could get there first?
CO: You used to change into your Superman costume in a phone booth. How did you get your Clark Kent suit back?
SM: I pinned a little note to the inside of the lapel: ‘If found, kindly return this suit to the Daily Planet c/o Clark Kent’.
CO: Didn’t the receptionist find this odd? It must have happened many times.
SM: If she did, she never mentioned it to me.
CO: Well, what about your Superman costume? How did it get cleaned? You couldn’t drop it off at a dry cleaner or go to a laundromat.
SM: It is made of an exceptional material. I only needed to soak it in Woolite, rinse it, and let it drip dry. These questions need to be revised. Please let me know why you’re asking me these things.
CO: These questions have been on your fan’s minds for decades, and if I may say so, I think your answers have been vague and mysterious. I saw an episode where you crash through a thick concrete wall in a room to rescue a hostage. You then proceed to get into a fistfight with the guy who was guarding them. Wouldn’t you think with your strength that a punch from you would crush the guy’s scull? Yet it did not after many blows.
SM: Some of these thugs have very thick skulls.
CO: Let’s take a look at your flying ability. In early shows, you looked like you were hanging from wires. In later shows, you ran towards the camera and leaped out of the frame.
SM: I can fly. Wires were never used, and I needed to be faster for cameras.
CO: Great. Why don’t you fly around the room so I can verify it to our readers?
SM: I didn’t come here to do silly tricks. That’s enough! I’ve had it! You are by far the rudest person I ever met. Don’t expect another interview with me ever!
CO: One last thing, was Lois Lane named after a road?
SM: No, you must be confusing her with Perry Mason’s secretary Della Street.