The Casual Observer | Satire | wprnPublicRadio.com
Interview with Rocky Raccoon
Written by Rob DeMarco – Read by Adam Scull
(The Beatles released the song Rocky Raccoon” in 1968 on what came to be known as The White Album.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, here are the facts).
Casual Observer: So, where are you from?
Rocky Raccoon: Somewhere in the Black Hills mountains of South Dakota
CO: How old are you?
RR: I’m a young boy.
CO: Your name?
RR: Rocky Raccoon.
CO: What happened?
RR: One day, my woman ran off with another guy.
CO: What did he do?
RR: He hit me in the eye.
CO: And?
RR: I wouldn’t say I liked that.
CO: Did you say anything?
RR: I said, “I’m gonna get that boy.”
CO: So, what did you do?
RR: One day, I walked into town and booked a room in the local saloon.
CO: Did you check in?
RR: I checked into my room.
CO: Did you find anything?
RR: Only Gideon’s Bible.
CO: Did you bring anything?
RR: I had come equipped with a gun.
CO: For what purpose?
RR: To shoot off the legs of my rival.
CO: Because…
RR: He had broken my dreams by stealing by the girl of my fancy.
CO: What’s her name?
RR: Her name was MaGil.
CO: Really?
RR: She called herself Lil. But everyone knew
her as Nancy.
CO: Was she at the saloon?
RR: Yes, she and her man..
CO: His name?
RR: Called himself Dan.
CO: Where were they?
RR: In the next room.
CO: Doing what?
RR: At the hoedown.
CO: So what did you do?
RR: I burst in.
CO: And?
RR: Grinned in a grin.
CO: What did you say?
RR: I said, “Danny boy, this is a showdown”
CO: Did you shoot him?
RR: No. Daniel was hot, he drew first and shot.
CO: And what happened to you?
RR: I collapsed in the corner.
CO: Did anyone one help you?’
RR: The doctor came in.
CO: Was he sober?
RR: No, stinking of gin.
CO: What happened next?
RR: He proceeded to lie on the table.
CO: Did he say anything?
RR: He said, “Rocky, you met your match.”
CO: And your response?
RR: I said, “Doc, it’s only a scratch
and I’ll be better, I’ll be better, Doc,
as soon as I am able.”
CO: Where did you go?
RR: I fell back in my room.
CO: Find anything?
RR: Only Gideon’s Bible.
CO: Where was Gideon anyway?
RR: Gideon checked out.
CO: Why did he leave his bible?
RR: He left it, no doubt
to help with my revival,
oh, ooh, yeah, yeah.