The Casual Observer | Satire | The Greater Key West Lite Beer Taste Test Vol. 1
by Rob DeMarco
On a hot and humid lazy day in an undisclosed location in or around Key West, a chosen but unnamed diverse group of beer drinkers very enthusiastically volunteered to participate in an unauthorized and unofficial taste test of 8 light beers:
Under a shady tree that provided very little relief from the hot and humid stillness of the day, the taste test commenced to cheers from the thirsty and sweaty participants. Each beer was served in an unmarked but numbered frozen mug. Sweat embraced and ran down each glass, and the golden nectar glowed under a rich, foamy head.
Needless to say, the first beer wasn’t tasted … it was gulped. As were the second and third entries. From that point, the flow of suds slowed to a more normal pace. The few tasters who were a bit slower were heckled and harassed to ’speed it up!’ so everyone could get to the next serving. All participants were given a pad and pencil to jot down notes about each beer. So far, no one has bothered to pick up a pencil.
After about three hours and many ‘pit stops’ all the beers were consumed and ‘The Greater Key West Light Beer Taste Test’ concluded with a burp.
The contest moderator then asked each participant to rank the beers from 1 to 10 making their favorite number 1 and so on down to number 10 being their least enjoyed.
Nobody had any recollection as to the differences between the beers let alone being able to name their favorite. Well, what a predicament.
What to do next?
The decision was to take a 2-hour nap and start again, this time making sure the taste testers made notes after each beer.
Sometime around midnight, the temperature and humidity dropped a tad. Most locals were tucked in their beds with their windows open and dreaming peacefully.
Back at the taste test location, round two finally concluded. Most participants were passed out on beach chairs or slumped over picnic tables, snoring away. The votes were cast and tallied. The results were sent to me by the contest moderator to be announced in my column.
So without further ado, the results of ‘The Greater Key West Light Beer Taste Test’ are as follows:
All eight beers tied for first place.